The Baby Journey with PCOS: Discovering Blueberry

So now I can finally blog about this!

 As I have mentioned before when you are ttc you are very aware of your cycle, where you are in it, when everything is supposed to happen and when you can test in hopes for that positive.

Our cycle in December had me Oing on Dec. 29^th or 30^th. Being one determined Momma-to-be, I wore poor Sexy Husband out with the baby dance. Towards the end of that time period, I am pretty sure whenever I mentioned baby dancing, Sexy Husband gave thought to running away.

TTCing definitely does take some of the romance out of baby dancing. I mean when you have to baby dance and you have to baby dance NOW it is not as spontaneous or romantic.

After it was all said and done around Dec. 31^st it was then time to ….wait. Again. I knew exactly which day in January I would be able to test to see if this time was successful, but until then all I could do was wait.

We had our New Year’s Eve party which is always fun, and the next weekend we headed to Atlanta for a gamefest we go to once a year with our boardgaming friends. Except I spent the whole weekend sleeping. I was so tired, drained completely. I refused to read anything into it because it was still too early to know and whenever I am starting to get sick, sleeping is my way of fighting it. So I figured I was just fighting off a cold or such.

Finally on January 10^th, I purchased some pregnancy tests and decided I was going to test the following morning. Upon arriving home, I could not wait so I took one of the regular tests I had bought and saved the digital for the next day.

Three minutes ticked by and I must say that having seen many negative tests over the last year or more, I really was expecting another negative…but wait, was that a faint second line?

No, it couldn’t be. I probably looked at the thing in four different rooms under different lighting. I could not believe it was positive. After more than a year of trying, I did not want to get my hopes up because of some faulty test or evaporation line. I finally decided I would wait until the next morning and take the digital.

At this point I must tell all TTCers out there: just go ahead and splurge to buy the digital. There is no guess work involved in the digital which comes in very handy at that moment of truth.

I did not say anything to Sexy Husband because I didn’t trust the test and wanted to wait until I had the digital. The next morning I got up and grabbed the digital test. Though this is TMI, I even peed in a Styrofoam cup so I could make sure that the test had plenty of pee. LOL

Then I waited, but something wasn’t right, the digital test’s blinking timer took forever to show up and then finally I got a “?”

WHAT?

I am the one asking the question, not the stupid test!

How did I manage to buy a digital test that didn’t work! AHHHHH! Determined I got dressed and on my way to The Mom’s house, I stopped and purchased another pack of digital, this time making sure there were two just in case. Lamenting the whole way to The Mom’s house about wasted FMU, I went in and demanded a disposable cup and headed straight for the bathroom.

I eeked and strained out a couple drops and prayed it would be enough for the test to function.

Blinking timer showing up immediately, I left the test on the counter and went to tell The Mom about the faulty test while waiting to see what the results of this test would be.

Yes! It said yes!

I always thought I would cry tears of excitement when I finally had a positive pregnancy test but no tears just slight disbelief. I could not quite trust that it had finally happened.

The Mom was excited but we decided to keep it mum until my appt. the next Monday when it would be confirmed. Luckily for me I already had an appt. set up with the fertility clinic as a follow-up for this last cycle.

The next thing was to tell Sexy Husband, but how?

Until Next Time....

The Baby Journey with PCOS: Sexy Husband needs to be a giraffe!

The week after Christmas, I went to the zoo with Sexy Husband's family. Now I love the zoo and will take any excuse to go so I was excited to be there plus the weather was absolutely gorgeous to be December.

As we neared one of my favorite animals, the giraffe, I noticed that one was following another around in a circle. The behind giraffe was being quite obnoxious with his continuous following and then it dawned on me what was going on in this area of the zoo!

Miss Giraffe was in heat and Mr. Giraffe was hoping to see some action! Now any other time I probably would have giggled like a schoolchild and moved on but since I am officially a TTCer then I had a whole new perspective on the activities before me.

I stared on in fascination wondering what exactly went on besides the basics in the making of a baby giraffe. Now all this time, before you think I am a big pervert for staring, Mr. Giraffe was still "chasing" (walking) Miss Giraffe around in a circle, every once in a while she would stop and he would think he had the green light then she would walk off again. Talk about a tease! Poor Mr. Giraffe!

Luckily for me, there was one of the main giraffe keepers sitting right there! I struck up a conversation about how it all went down and if they were hoping for the two to actually mate. Oh did I learn a myriad of information.

• Miss Giraffe ovulates every 14 days but only for one day
• Mr. Giraffe has to woo her to get her to even be still long enough for him to see action
• BUT Mr. Giraffe only has to make it in ONE time (tried to put this delicately) and it is almost 100% positive Miss Giraffe will get pregnant!

WHOA!! WHAT?

ONE time and he is DONE?

As a woman I feel sorry for Miss Giraffe because she doesn't get much fun time but as a TTCer I feel jealous that it happens so quickly and at a pretty fail-proof rate!


Oh Miss Giraffe, you big tease, if only you knew how easy you had it!

Until next time...

Things not to say to a woman trying to conceive (especially those who have been trying over a year)

So I have discovered a few sayings that make me want to rip people's arm off and beat them over the head with it when they say them to me. I will share since I am sure many TTCers share my peeviness.


"Your time will come" -really? you think? no we just have been trying all this for the heck of it, we dont really think our time will come! yes, thank you, our rational side is very aware that our time will come but this is one of the last things we want to hear at this moment.

"If you will just relax it will happen" - really? it is extremely hard not to think about the subject when every morning you have to wake up, take your temp, chart it and make sure that you know when you are going to ovulate so you can tie up your husband for three days so that nothing can get in the way of baby dancing. only to then have to wait two weeks to even see if tying your husband was worth the hassle!

From an expectant mother: "we weren't really trying" - well flippideedoda you fertile myrtle! Can you give me a play by play of what "not really trying" is because obviously this "trying" crap isn't working!

"I have heard it is easier to get pregnant at a healthy weight" Thank you very much for calling me fat in a roundabout jerk of a way. Oh yes, these extra 30 lbs that I have around my midsection that make me look pregnant even though I am not are just practice to get me ready for when "my time comes and I relax!" It is the latest craze to become almost obese before getting pregnant, haven't you heard? 
OF COURSE I KNOW I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, you flapperjack, tell that to my STUPID HORMONES that made me gain the weight in the first place!

"You are young, you have plenty of time" yes, I know many women who did not have children until almost forty or even at forty, but they all (the ones I know) did not get married until a short time before that so I'm sorry if I dont want ten years of marriage before we have children.

Any complaint whatsoever from a pregnant woman - look you fertile myrtle, if you want to live to have that baby you better shut up that complainng around me. I would kill to have your nausea, swollen ankles and back ache. Just because you were relaxed and not really trying when your time came doesn't mean you can complain about it around those of us who are still barren.


Despite my somewhat caustic, and hormonal responses to the above things it is very painful for those who have been trying for a while to hear these. Especially when you are doing everything you can to get pregnant and your time hasn't come, you feel broken, you wonder what is wrong with you that you couldn't "not really try" and succeed. You look at other pregnant women, or women with multiple children and cannot help but compare and say "what did they have or do that i didn't or can't?" Two weeks by agonizing two weeks you hope and pray only to discover your failure.

So if you are a parent then remember to thank God that "your time came" or if you are like me and still waiting, don't give up hope, you are not alone!


Until next time....

The Baby Journey with PCOS: An Update

I have not written about the baby journey since August. No I am not pregnant yet which is probably one of the reasons why I have not updated.

August was my first round of Clomid and after psyching myself out with fake symptoms, I was told I did not ovulate and so the next round I told myself I was not going to over-analyze it and so no symptoms presented themselves and again I did not ovulate.

It was mid September before I started the second round so after it was finished I decided that instead of doing the third and final round with my OBGYN that I wanted to head on to the fertility clinic. If the third round did not work I would have to go there anyway.

Sexy Husband and I went on December 5th to the fertility clinic. They gave me a progesterone shot to get my cycle to start then ordered another round of Clomid. SH had to have an analysis, poor guy, can we say awkward! for him.

I love the Dr. He is so great, very nice, with a slightly dry sense of humor which I like. He said that of the couples he had seen lately we were the "Most Likely to Conceive" I felt like I was back in highschool for a moment with the who's who! Instead of "Most Likely to Succeed" we were the "Most Likely to Conceive" ha!

Dr. S, as we will call him, said that once I started my period to call and schedule a "Dye Test" which is where they inject dye into the uterus and X-ray to make sure the fallopian tubes are not blocked.

I will tell you about the dye test, and catch you up to today, tomorrow! Ha! For now I need coffee....

Until next time...

The Baby Journey with PCOS: Being a TTC-er

It is an interesting thing when you are are a TTC-er (Trying To Conceive) you live your life in two week increments.
You start the cycle and you wait two weeks or so for the big O (which is no longer orgasm but ovulation) to happen and schedule your life completely around making sure you do the baby dance plenty of times around the big "O".
Then you get to wait another two weeks or so to even know if it was a hit or miss. During this two week wait you are trying to not over-analyze every hiccup that you have or gas bubble because it might be a "symptom". To make matters worse all the possible "symptoms" of pregnancy are also the same "symptoms" that Aunt Flow brings along with her so it could be impending doom instead of impending baby!

My Brain:
Headache....Oh! I have a headache today, maybe that means I am pregnant, but no it is too early, implantation hasn't even happened because it takes 8 to 10 days to happen and we are only on 6 dpo, but then again maybe....
Gas! I have gas, must mean I am pregnant, it could not possibly have anything to do with something I possibly ate that could have given me gas.
My baby toe aches, I am pregnant!!

I have never been more in tune with every possible function that my body can produce in one day though sadly they are most likely not due to pregnancy. I really do try not to obsess over it too much but I cannot help but have it at the back of my mind. Pregnancy is one of my main goals at the moment.

Since I am on Clomid, I did have to go have lab work done on Friday to see if my progesterone levels were indicative of the big O. Since it was Friday I will probably not hear until tomorrow or Tuesday. I feel quite confident that I did ovulate because I had pangs in my right ovary which I cannot remember the last time I felt something like that. It was a good sign to me.

We will see what they say....

The Baby Journey with PCOS: Clomid Part 2

So Sunday is when I started taking the Clomid. After taking the first pill I ran down the hall into the library where Sexy Husband was sitting and did a crazy dance while spouting gibberish. I then laughingly told him I had taken the first pill and everyone has said it makes the woman go crazy so I was getting a head start!

Ha!

Actually in the two and a half days the only side effect I have noticed is that yesterday I had major "pregnancy brain" even though I am not pregnant. It was so bad that I walked about five steps from the coffee pot to the cupboard and completely forgot why I had done it. To get a cup, of course! Luckily the scatterbrained feeling has not followed me into today!

So we have begun the Clomid journey and we will have to see where it takes us. For now though that is about all there is to report :)

The Baby Journey with PCOS: Clomid

I had a break down a week or two ago where I cried in Sexy Husband's arms saying that I was tired of taking care of other people's children and wanted to be taking care of my own. Don't get me wrong, I love babysitting for my friends and such but I am ready for one of my own.

So I received an encouraging note from a friend who told me of their baby journey and some of the processes they had to go through to get pregnant. It was encouraging because I know and have loved on their little boy and he is absolutely precious!

It did make me stop and think though about trying the metphormin for too long. I will be thirty in December and I know that is really not "that old" but not knowing how long this process might take I decided that we should go ahead and try Clomid.

I have an appt. with my OBGYN on Thursday to sit down and discuss with her and Sexy Husband what all taking Clomid entails.

The problem is I am not ovulating and it is pretty impossible to get pregnant if you are not ovulating. Looking back on my past I am pretty sure I have always had trouble with ovulating because I could go six months without a period. It was always sporadic when I was younger.

I am a bit anxious to take Clomid because it does have side effects and one is weight gain, which is the last thing I need, but something has to be tried to kick start my ovulation.

If I cannot get myself to ovulate then we might need to start praying about where to go from here....

The Baby Journey with PCOS: Motivation and Frustration

So I am a serious slacker because it has been too long since I have posted but fortunately or unfortunately there have been no major developments since I last wrote. I did have an appointment with my Dr. on June 2nd, which showed that I had not ovulated yet again. We decided at the time to continue longer on the metphormin and trying to lose weight.

I went on vacation to Puerto Rico at the end of May and there was no such thing as healthy food there so I did not lose any weight and gained most of the 5 lbs back. I have had no motivation to lose the weight. It is somewhat frustrating because I "know" I need to lose the weight and I "want" to lose the weight but the drive is not there.

I joined a gym a while back and worked out well for about two weeks but when I work out I am hungry all the time! I wanted to eat everything in sight. I don't want to turn this into a whine fest but it is just annoying.

I am not sure what I want to do....

The Baby Journey with PCOS: The Beginning

So we decided to start our baby journey back in November 2010. I came off birth control at the very beginning of November.

I am going to give a bit of background so some things make sense. From 2005 until summer of 2010 my weight was always between 130 - 150 lbs. I am 5'1" and usually my weight gain was proportionate. I was a little heavy for my stature but nothing drastic.

By the second month off birth control I had gained around 20 to 25 lbs and every bit of it went to my stomach, chest and chin. That is probably the most frustrating part of this journey so far because I know that the last thing I need is more weight on my frame.

I decided to use the ovulation tests for the first couple months and was delighted when it said that I ovulated on my birthday in December. I tried not to let myself get too excited but I must admit the thought of having a child that was conceived on my birthday was a fun idea.

By the end of January I still had not had a period but 4 pregnancy tests taken at different times said I was not pregnant. I called my doctor and they described prometrium which basically forced my body to have a period.

Again on March 6, I thought I had ovulated but I still had not had a period or a positive pregnancy test when we got to my 6 month appointment with my doctor on April 21st.

She ran blood tests and an ultrasound which revealed an ultra thin lining of the uterus which meant that despite what the ovulation kits said I had not been ovulating at all.

I must say this was bittersweet news because we now knew why we had not conceived yet but that is one of the most crucial things need to be able to conceive.

The news also confirmed my PCOS status.

The Dr. gave us two choices: 1. Start immediately with Clomid which is an infertility drug but also causes weight gain or 2. Try Metphormin which is a diabetic drug (since I am prediabetic) and try to lose some weight before starting Clomid.

We chose 2 because I do not want to add more weight because I am already to heavy for my size.

Presently I am a little over a week into Metphormin, counting carbs, and exercising everyday. I have lost 5 lbs which is very exciting!

So now that I have caught you up on the journey so far we can go forward :) I will talk about other things surrounding my PCOS in other posts.

Until Next Time...

The Baby Journey with PCOS Series Starter

Ever since I was thirteen I have wanted to be a mother. I have talked about my baby itch on here before and though I have had times where it was not strongly present, I have never been able to dispel it completely.

I originally said I would not tell people when we started trying because of the constant questions of "are you pregnant yet?" and just the added pressure of people knowing.

But then I found out that I have PCOS, which is polycystic ovary syndrome. For those unfamiliar here is a formal definition:

"Polycystic ovary syndrome: Abbreviated PCOS. Polcystic ovary syndrome is a condition in women characterized by irregular or no menstrual periods, acne, obesity, and excess hair growth. PCOS is a disorder of chronically abnormal ovarian function and hyperandrogenism (abnormally elevated androgen levels). It affects 5-10% of women of reproductive age. PCOS is also called the Stein-Leventhal syndrome.

Women with PCOS do not ovulate -- they do not release an egg every month -- and they are at significantly higher risk for high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, and cancer of the uterus (endometrial cancer). Much of this risk can be reversed by exercise and weight loss."

Most women would not share such info much less blog about it, but I have thought long and hard and decided to blog about my/our journey.

Why?

Because I believe that one of the greatest things about the internet is the support system you can obtain. If you have a problem or situation where once you might feel like the only one in the world, you can now go to the internet and find at least one other person (but usually way more) that is going or has gone through the same thing.

The important key of this "internet support" system is the "open book" people. People, like me, who don't mind sharing all the intimate details of their ups and downs so that others can be encouraged and gain knowledge of different subjects.

So with that said I shall start this series about our baby journey in hopes that it will indeed help someone out there going through the same thing.

Until Next Time....