The Baby Journey with PCOS: Discovering Blueberry

So now I can finally blog about this!

 As I have mentioned before when you are ttc you are very aware of your cycle, where you are in it, when everything is supposed to happen and when you can test in hopes for that positive.

Our cycle in December had me Oing on Dec. 29^th or 30^th. Being one determined Momma-to-be, I wore poor Sexy Husband out with the baby dance. Towards the end of that time period, I am pretty sure whenever I mentioned baby dancing, Sexy Husband gave thought to running away.

TTCing definitely does take some of the romance out of baby dancing. I mean when you have to baby dance and you have to baby dance NOW it is not as spontaneous or romantic.

After it was all said and done around Dec. 31^st it was then time to ….wait. Again. I knew exactly which day in January I would be able to test to see if this time was successful, but until then all I could do was wait.

We had our New Year’s Eve party which is always fun, and the next weekend we headed to Atlanta for a gamefest we go to once a year with our boardgaming friends. Except I spent the whole weekend sleeping. I was so tired, drained completely. I refused to read anything into it because it was still too early to know and whenever I am starting to get sick, sleeping is my way of fighting it. So I figured I was just fighting off a cold or such.

Finally on January 10^th, I purchased some pregnancy tests and decided I was going to test the following morning. Upon arriving home, I could not wait so I took one of the regular tests I had bought and saved the digital for the next day.

Three minutes ticked by and I must say that having seen many negative tests over the last year or more, I really was expecting another negative…but wait, was that a faint second line?

No, it couldn’t be. I probably looked at the thing in four different rooms under different lighting. I could not believe it was positive. After more than a year of trying, I did not want to get my hopes up because of some faulty test or evaporation line. I finally decided I would wait until the next morning and take the digital.

At this point I must tell all TTCers out there: just go ahead and splurge to buy the digital. There is no guess work involved in the digital which comes in very handy at that moment of truth.

I did not say anything to Sexy Husband because I didn’t trust the test and wanted to wait until I had the digital. The next morning I got up and grabbed the digital test. Though this is TMI, I even peed in a Styrofoam cup so I could make sure that the test had plenty of pee. LOL

Then I waited, but something wasn’t right, the digital test’s blinking timer took forever to show up and then finally I got a “?”

WHAT?

I am the one asking the question, not the stupid test!

How did I manage to buy a digital test that didn’t work! AHHHHH! Determined I got dressed and on my way to The Mom’s house, I stopped and purchased another pack of digital, this time making sure there were two just in case. Lamenting the whole way to The Mom’s house about wasted FMU, I went in and demanded a disposable cup and headed straight for the bathroom.

I eeked and strained out a couple drops and prayed it would be enough for the test to function.

Blinking timer showing up immediately, I left the test on the counter and went to tell The Mom about the faulty test while waiting to see what the results of this test would be.

Yes! It said yes!

I always thought I would cry tears of excitement when I finally had a positive pregnancy test but no tears just slight disbelief. I could not quite trust that it had finally happened.

The Mom was excited but we decided to keep it mum until my appt. the next Monday when it would be confirmed. Luckily for me I already had an appt. set up with the fertility clinic as a follow-up for this last cycle.

The next thing was to tell Sexy Husband, but how?

Until Next Time....

Things not to say to a woman trying to conceive (especially those who have been trying over a year)

So I have discovered a few sayings that make me want to rip people's arm off and beat them over the head with it when they say them to me. I will share since I am sure many TTCers share my peeviness.


"Your time will come" -really? you think? no we just have been trying all this for the heck of it, we dont really think our time will come! yes, thank you, our rational side is very aware that our time will come but this is one of the last things we want to hear at this moment.

"If you will just relax it will happen" - really? it is extremely hard not to think about the subject when every morning you have to wake up, take your temp, chart it and make sure that you know when you are going to ovulate so you can tie up your husband for three days so that nothing can get in the way of baby dancing. only to then have to wait two weeks to even see if tying your husband was worth the hassle!

From an expectant mother: "we weren't really trying" - well flippideedoda you fertile myrtle! Can you give me a play by play of what "not really trying" is because obviously this "trying" crap isn't working!

"I have heard it is easier to get pregnant at a healthy weight" Thank you very much for calling me fat in a roundabout jerk of a way. Oh yes, these extra 30 lbs that I have around my midsection that make me look pregnant even though I am not are just practice to get me ready for when "my time comes and I relax!" It is the latest craze to become almost obese before getting pregnant, haven't you heard? 
OF COURSE I KNOW I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, you flapperjack, tell that to my STUPID HORMONES that made me gain the weight in the first place!

"You are young, you have plenty of time" yes, I know many women who did not have children until almost forty or even at forty, but they all (the ones I know) did not get married until a short time before that so I'm sorry if I dont want ten years of marriage before we have children.

Any complaint whatsoever from a pregnant woman - look you fertile myrtle, if you want to live to have that baby you better shut up that complainng around me. I would kill to have your nausea, swollen ankles and back ache. Just because you were relaxed and not really trying when your time came doesn't mean you can complain about it around those of us who are still barren.


Despite my somewhat caustic, and hormonal responses to the above things it is very painful for those who have been trying for a while to hear these. Especially when you are doing everything you can to get pregnant and your time hasn't come, you feel broken, you wonder what is wrong with you that you couldn't "not really try" and succeed. You look at other pregnant women, or women with multiple children and cannot help but compare and say "what did they have or do that i didn't or can't?" Two weeks by agonizing two weeks you hope and pray only to discover your failure.

So if you are a parent then remember to thank God that "your time came" or if you are like me and still waiting, don't give up hope, you are not alone!


Until next time....

The Baby Journey with PCOS: An Update

I have not written about the baby journey since August. No I am not pregnant yet which is probably one of the reasons why I have not updated.

August was my first round of Clomid and after psyching myself out with fake symptoms, I was told I did not ovulate and so the next round I told myself I was not going to over-analyze it and so no symptoms presented themselves and again I did not ovulate.

It was mid September before I started the second round so after it was finished I decided that instead of doing the third and final round with my OBGYN that I wanted to head on to the fertility clinic. If the third round did not work I would have to go there anyway.

Sexy Husband and I went on December 5th to the fertility clinic. They gave me a progesterone shot to get my cycle to start then ordered another round of Clomid. SH had to have an analysis, poor guy, can we say awkward! for him.

I love the Dr. He is so great, very nice, with a slightly dry sense of humor which I like. He said that of the couples he had seen lately we were the "Most Likely to Conceive" I felt like I was back in highschool for a moment with the who's who! Instead of "Most Likely to Succeed" we were the "Most Likely to Conceive" ha!

Dr. S, as we will call him, said that once I started my period to call and schedule a "Dye Test" which is where they inject dye into the uterus and X-ray to make sure the fallopian tubes are not blocked.

I will tell you about the dye test, and catch you up to today, tomorrow! Ha! For now I need coffee....

Until next time...

The Baby Journey with PCOS: Being a TTC-er

It is an interesting thing when you are are a TTC-er (Trying To Conceive) you live your life in two week increments.
You start the cycle and you wait two weeks or so for the big O (which is no longer orgasm but ovulation) to happen and schedule your life completely around making sure you do the baby dance plenty of times around the big "O".
Then you get to wait another two weeks or so to even know if it was a hit or miss. During this two week wait you are trying to not over-analyze every hiccup that you have or gas bubble because it might be a "symptom". To make matters worse all the possible "symptoms" of pregnancy are also the same "symptoms" that Aunt Flow brings along with her so it could be impending doom instead of impending baby!

My Brain:
Headache....Oh! I have a headache today, maybe that means I am pregnant, but no it is too early, implantation hasn't even happened because it takes 8 to 10 days to happen and we are only on 6 dpo, but then again maybe....
Gas! I have gas, must mean I am pregnant, it could not possibly have anything to do with something I possibly ate that could have given me gas.
My baby toe aches, I am pregnant!!

I have never been more in tune with every possible function that my body can produce in one day though sadly they are most likely not due to pregnancy. I really do try not to obsess over it too much but I cannot help but have it at the back of my mind. Pregnancy is one of my main goals at the moment.

Since I am on Clomid, I did have to go have lab work done on Friday to see if my progesterone levels were indicative of the big O. Since it was Friday I will probably not hear until tomorrow or Tuesday. I feel quite confident that I did ovulate because I had pangs in my right ovary which I cannot remember the last time I felt something like that. It was a good sign to me.

We will see what they say....