Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Heart of Motherhood


When you think of becoming a mother you have these images of cooing over a perfect baby swaddled in soft blankets, holding little fingers as first wavering steps are taken, squealing in delight when the first "Mama" is heard, videoing the best Indian ever at the Kindergarten Thanksgiving show, sneaking teeth out from under the pillow without waking the recipient of the quarter, cheering and shivering in the cold for early soccer games, cringing and wincing as the car jerks forward in the first driving lesson, beaming a smile as the diploma is taken, crying a tear as the wedding march plays, and hovering in the waiting room to hear the announcement of the first grandchild.

You imagine the warm and fuzzy, the heart swelling and happy times.

Then you become a mother.

You didn't imagine the overwhelming fear you have when the reality that this small being is completely your responsibility not just to feed and protect but also to teach how to be a decent human being. The times when you are so tired you wish you could crawl in bed and wake up next week but your feet move because they depend on you. The hopelessness you experience when your child is ill and there is nothing you can do to help. The aching desire in your bones to be able to just hug your child and take the pain from them. The pride you feel when they accomplish something and the frustration you feel with them when they don't.
The constant battle to not look at other children and compare whether in favor or disfavor. The struggle to allow them some freedom to become a person while making sure not to let them run wild. The hair pulling moments when they show you just how much of your stubbornness they inherited. The heart stopping moments when they do something dangerous. The heartbreaking moments when they experience rejection, bullying, or dislike from others.
The nights you stare at the ceiling wondering if you are doing it right. Praying over their sleeping forms that God will protect this precious gift that inspires a love you never knew existed before they were born.

And for that you would not change it for the world.
That scary, automatic, overpowering love that you have for your child.
The root of an emotional spectrum.


The Heart of Motherhood.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

New Year!


Happy New Year from Bunny!

I cannot believe another year has passed. It is true they go a lot faster the older you get. I am going to try to blog more this year. Bunny is in a super fun age and I want to make sure I write these memories down lest I forget them.

I love doing photo shoots with Bunny but they are getting increasingly more difficult due to her mobility. We did a mini New Year photo shoot and I got a few great pictures out of four hundred. Well I might exaggerate slightly on the four hundred but it was close. Getting the hat on her head and the camera up to snap the photo before the hat was thrown to the floor was a feat in itself!

Then I moved her outside to get a better background and pictures had to be taken while going up and down the stairs.
So I did get this cute one that I personally love and then this other one that looks like she has had one too many juice boxes!
Whoopsedaisy!

Needless to say the tights did not make it through this concrete stair climbing photo shoot and we ended up with a scraped knee.
 No one said modeling was easy!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Give Me Generation

Sometimes I feel an eentsy teensy bit sorry for Bunny. E and I are so different in our thinking patterns from most parents that I fear we will have many "That's not fair!" and "Soinso's momma lets them do it!" in our future. To which I will answer "Life is not fair and I am not Soinso's momma, I am your momma."

Future example of how Bunny will be different:

I have had many friends in the last few months whose children have lost their first tooth. The common question on FB is "What is the going rate for a tooth?"
Ok first, why are you even asking that question? You are the parent of Your child. Decide for yourself!

Despite that, do you know what the common answer is?

FIVE DOLLARS!!!!

WHAT?!?

Type that again because I had to go get my reading glasses because I know I read that wrong.

Nope, you read FIVE DOLLARS!

That is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard in my life. Five dollars from the tooth fairy?!?

I got a quarter!
25 cents.
1/4 of a dollar.
And I am lucky The Mom did not take a tooth fairy fee, tax or interest out of that quarter!

Bunny might, and this is still a huge might, get a dollar for the first tooth, but I do not know about the others. Given this economy and the current leader figurehead of our country, she might get an IOU from the tooth fairy!

This is just one of the many things I think is wrong with this generation that my generation is raising. They give them too many things! They want, want, want and expect, expect, expect. My generation is raising a bunch of socialist! They have to have something because all their friends have something.

What a load of horse dung!

You will always have someone in your life who has something you want but don't have! Either get over it or get to work and earn it!

Besides "things" do not give you value or contentment!

Needless to say, Bunny will probably think we are horrible parents for a while, but hopefully one day she will appreciate what she has because she worked for it/earned it.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Kodak Moments

Today we parents have so many ways of documenting our little one's life that it can get ridiculous.
They breathe and we take a picture. Now I am not fussing about this, because I am one of the top offenders, just merely stating a fact.
We capture Kodak moment after Kodak moment but it does not change the fact that moment is gone and time will not stand still.
The other night, Bunny had fallen asleep in my arms and I carried her into our bedroom to lay on the bed with her. She, of course, woke but lay there so sweetly touching my face and just cooing and "talking" to me.
It was surreal.
It was beautiful.
A camera would have ruined the moment. I do hope my mind's eye camera captured it forever because it is something I do not want to forget.
We will never have that exact moment again.
6 months.
Our Bunny is 6 months old already.
Where has 6 months gone?
It is a bittersweet thing this parenthood. Seeing each new day and milestone is wonderful yet heartbreaking because your child is growing up faster than you would like.
I fully understand now why The Mom says "You will always be my baby." because now Bunny will always be mine!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Bunny Month Two in Photos

Month two brings us into October.

 



Saturday, September 29, 2012

Bunny at One Month

When we finally were able to spring her from the NICU, it was home to start our new life together. I must say the NICU stay was a blessing in disguise because I was able to rest and heal so by the time she came home I was able to focus more on her needs and not have to worry about mine as much. Things just fell into a natural pattern. I know the timing of her arrival into our lives was perfect because it seems so natural and like she has always been here.

Here are some photos for Month One!
 



Friday, August 31, 2012

Heart on Your Sleeve

I have heard the saying "When you are a parent, you wear your heart on your sleeve."

That saying hit home the night Bunny was born. She had an infection, breathing trouble, and low body temperature so she was rushed to the NICU. Yet again, this was a particular plan I had NOT wanted to happen! I had wanted to avoid the NICU but alas there we were, 11:00 p.m. on Bunny's birth day, being escorted to the NICU. 

 The first night, I was so tired from lack of sleep, drug hangover, and giving birth that it did not really sink in what exactly was happening. The next day was a different story. I have never felt so helpless in my life than when I had to stand there, looking at my wired and tubed child crying and I could not hold her or soothe her.

Three months later, as I am writing this I still get this sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach at that memory.

Ten days.

That is how long they kept her in the NICU. Only two of them were we allowed to really hold her because she eventually had to have a PICC line put into her head.

It was the most freeing feeling when we were allowed to pack her up in her carseat and take her home! We were one of the lucky ones though, there were babies that had been there for a long time and still had a while to go before they could go home. I definitely pray differently now for mother's with sick children. That is an emotional place I hope to never have to visit again.