Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The Heart of Motherhood
When you think of becoming a mother you have these images of cooing over a perfect baby swaddled in soft blankets, holding little fingers as first wavering steps are taken, squealing in delight when the first "Mama" is heard, videoing the best Indian ever at the Kindergarten Thanksgiving show, sneaking teeth out from under the pillow without waking the recipient of the quarter, cheering and shivering in the cold for early soccer games, cringing and wincing as the car jerks forward in the first driving lesson, beaming a smile as the diploma is taken, crying a tear as the wedding march plays, and hovering in the waiting room to hear the announcement of the first grandchild.
You imagine the warm and fuzzy, the heart swelling and happy times.
Then you become a mother.
You didn't imagine the overwhelming fear you have when the reality that this small being is completely your responsibility not just to feed and protect but also to teach how to be a decent human being. The times when you are so tired you wish you could crawl in bed and wake up next week but your feet move because they depend on you. The hopelessness you experience when your child is ill and there is nothing you can do to help. The aching desire in your bones to be able to just hug your child and take the pain from them. The pride you feel when they accomplish something and the frustration you feel with them when they don't.
The constant battle to not look at other children and compare whether in favor or disfavor. The struggle to allow them some freedom to become a person while making sure not to let them run wild. The hair pulling moments when they show you just how much of your stubbornness they inherited. The heart stopping moments when they do something dangerous. The heartbreaking moments when they experience rejection, bullying, or dislike from others.
The nights you stare at the ceiling wondering if you are doing it right. Praying over their sleeping forms that God will protect this precious gift that inspires a love you never knew existed before they were born.
And for that you would not change it for the world.
That scary, automatic, overpowering love that you have for your child.
The root of an emotional spectrum.