Friday, January 6, 2012
Things not to say to a woman trying to conceive (especially those who have been trying over a year)
So I have discovered a few sayings that make me want to rip people's arm off and beat them over the head with it when they say them to me. I will share since I am sure many TTCers share my peeviness.
"Your time will come" -really? you think? no we just have been trying all this for the heck of it, we dont really think our time will come! yes, thank you, our rational side is very aware that our time will come but this is one of the last things we want to hear at this moment.
"If you will just relax it will happen" - really? it is extremely hard not to think about the subject when every morning you have to wake up, take your temp, chart it and make sure that you know when you are going to ovulate so you can tie up your husband for three days so that nothing can get in the way of baby dancing. only to then have to wait two weeks to even see if tying your husband was worth the hassle!
From an expectant mother: "we weren't really trying" - well flippideedoda you fertile myrtle! Can you give me a play by play of what "not really trying" is because obviously this "trying" crap isn't working!
"I have heard it is easier to get pregnant at a healthy weight" Thank you very much for calling me fat in a roundabout jerk of a way. Oh yes, these extra 30 lbs that I have around my midsection that make me look pregnant even though I am not are just practice to get me ready for when "my time comes and I relax!" It is the latest craze to become almost obese before getting pregnant, haven't you heard?
OF COURSE I KNOW I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, you flapperjack, tell that to my STUPID HORMONES that made me gain the weight in the first place!
"You are young, you have plenty of time" yes, I know many women who did not have children until almost forty or even at forty, but they all (the ones I know) did not get married until a short time before that so I'm sorry if I dont want ten years of marriage before we have children.
Any complaint whatsoever from a pregnant woman - look you fertile myrtle, if you want to live to have that baby you better shut up that complainng around me. I would kill to have your nausea, swollen ankles and back ache. Just because you were relaxed and not really trying when your time came doesn't mean you can complain about it around those of us who are still barren.
Despite my somewhat caustic, and hormonal responses to the above things it is very painful for those who have been trying for a while to hear these. Especially when you are doing everything you can to get pregnant and your time hasn't come, you feel broken, you wonder what is wrong with you that you couldn't "not really try" and succeed. You look at other pregnant women, or women with multiple children and cannot help but compare and say "what did they have or do that i didn't or can't?" Two weeks by agonizing two weeks you hope and pray only to discover your failure.
So if you are a parent then remember to thank God that "your time came" or if you are like me and still waiting, don't give up hope, you are not alone!
Until next time....