Letters to Sales Adverts....

Dear Retail CEO, CFO, President of Marketing, and Marketing Ad Person who wrote this month’s ad,

I am writing to ask when you are truly going to have your biggest and best sale ever? According to your adverts for the last three years, each month (especially around the Holidays) you have the biggest and best sale ever.
I must say I would gladly go shopping at the biggest and best sale ever if you would let me know which one of these sales is truly the biggest and best ever. They seem to all be about the same and so I am confused. Perhaps it is not in my local store that the biggest and best ever sale is happening but in another?
I would gladly appreciate any help in this situation for I do so wish to shop at the biggest and best sale ever but your adverts are quite misleading.
Thank you very much,
Sincerely,
Your best customer ever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Car Dealer CEO, CFO, President of Marketing, and Marketing Ad Person who wrote this month’s ad,

I am writing to ask why it is assumed that your marketing niche consists only of deaf or highly drugged people? I can assure you this is not true and thus the need to yell in a hyper manner in every single on of your ads is not necessary. Actually for those of us who are not deaf or highly drugged it is quite annoying and makes us want to key every car on your car lot instead of purchasing a car.
Now I apologize if you are trying to only market to deaf and highly drugged people but in case you were not I wanted you to be informed.
Thank you for your time,
Sincerely,
A Non deaf or highly drugged customer with keys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Cialis CEO, CFO, President of Marketing, and Marketing Ad Person who wrote this month’s ad,

Upon watching your ad, I felt the need to write you and mention that perhaps you should rethink your strategy for your current adverts for they are a flop.

It is a lovely scene but it does convey that perhaps anyone sitting in two bathtubs in a field, holding hands has larger problems than ED. It seems abit ridiculous that they are not in the same bathtub given the area of concern for which your drugged is used. It is also silly that they are in the middle of a wheat/hay field, though pretty, it does not necessarily draw images of intimate connection, but more of chiggers, ants and ticks in all the wrong places.

I am sure there is indeed unfortunate couples out there that need your help so I write this only to help you grow, firm, and strengthen your marketing root.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Advert Watcher