Monday, March 26, 2012

Marriage Monday: Learning to Argue

Since there is not something to write about Baby H everyday I thought I would try some new topics. I read a post on marriage at Mackey Madness who I found through ASquared and I decided to do a post on marriage as well. I figured I could impart some wise hmmm profound well maybe just some knowledge that I have gleaned in the 4 years that Sexy Husband and I have been married.

My wisdom point of this Marriage Monday will be:

Learn How to Fight Argue

First I will say that I grew up in a house that when brouhahas happened it usually involved The Mom hurling lobbing the book that was in her hand at The Dad and horribly missing, followed by yelling a heated discussion, and eventually The Dad leaving the house to cool off. Now I also must say that The Parents have been married for 40 years and look to stay that way so these brouhahas were in no way marriage ending.

I guess I always thought this would be how I fought with my future husband.

Not in the least!

I am thankful to say that in 4 years of marriage (May 10th this year will be 4) we have had no major brouhahas. I have not thrown any books, and no yelling has been done. I blame credit this to each of us knowing how we fight and what to do when we are angry.

If I am to be truly fair SH really doesn't get "mad". The closest I have seen is more "frustration" than actual "anger". I kinda went "quote" happy there didn't I? Hmm

What was I saying?

 Oh yes! Knowing how you fight and how you deal with your anger.
  • Know your anger type - I learned long ago that I am a "venter" I have to get things out, vent about them, and then I am fine. If I do not vent then it is much like a tea kettle, the steams builds until I explode. (I don't really do the high pitch whistle like a teakettle) For those times when I am sailor cursing angry (usually due to hormones) I know it is best for me to just go away from the person/thing making me angry and having a cooling period. SH has learned this as well and knows to just avoid me.
  • Communication is key! - We, as a couple, have also learned to COMMUNICATE. I know it sounds cliche but it is so true! Unless you have the ability to read minds you cannot assume your partner does!
  • Realize each other's expectations -Even though SH and I had very similar backgrounds there are still things that we learned to do differently and we have had to learn to talk out our expectations on how we think things are supposed to go or be done. Our example is the trash. We have trash pick up on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so when we first moved into the house I expected the trash can to be at the road on every Tues. and Thurs., where SH expected the trash can to be at the road only when it was full. We had to learn each other's expectations in this and work it out.
  • Know each other's timeline - This is one that we learned very early in our marriage! I would ask SH to do something and expect it to be done asap and in his mind he had plenty of time. We actually came up with a numbering system at first of 1-5 with 1 being "right now" and 5 being "within the next week or so". We do not use the number system anymore because I just tell him when but it was a good exercise to get me used to telling him when and him used to listening to when. 
  • Remember you have flaws too! - This may come as a shock to you but you are not perfect! They say that when people divorce there are three sides to the story: His, Hers and the Truth. This is because His and Hers were too caught up in the flaws of their partner to see their own flaws. Yes it may make you want to kill irritate you whatever they have done but just remember you probably do things that make them want to kill irritate them as well.
  • Know that you don't have to like someone to love them - Luckily this is not something I have had to face yet but I know there is the possibility in the future that there will be days when I do not like SH but that does not mean I will kill him throw in the towel because I do not have the "warm fuzzies" that day. Love is a commitment not just an emotion. Brouhahas will happen but we will just power through them!
I think that is all my points but it may be because there is some soon-to-be dead psychotic nightingale outside my window going nuts that is distracting me.

Until Next Time....


Amanda said...

Good post!
are you following Megan now? She's amazing and quite possibly my very most favorite blogger!!

Amanda said...

Good post!
are you following Megan now? She's amazing and quite possibly my very most favorite blogger!!

Anonymous said...

ah- but you are fixing to be a couple with a baby--you will find all sorts of new things to disagree about-hahaha but you have both had great examples to copy--just don't thow the black iron skillet (like i did once) at eric :)