Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The dilemma of depression

I am fighting depression.

There you have it.

I experience life through my emotions. I admit it. I am an emotional creature. I usually am a vivacious, creative, life loving person ....until recently.

I am constantly tired, have an underlying blah or sadness in my gut, and just no desire to do anything...like blog.

I am finally saying something on here because as another blog's post reminded me, this is My blog. I write on here for me first, the possible audience is a perk. I am already struggling to write anything and have been moping away even more for fear of "bothering" my readers with "unhappy" posts.

Well sorry readers but this post will not be happy.

Don't get me wrong, I can laugh, I can enjoy a day and have a good ole time. It is just underneath it all is this ever present "sadness" for lack of a better word. I cry at everything and my poor husband is wondering what he married.

To add to it I have a layer of guilt on top of the sadness.

Why you ask?

Because I have absolutely no reason whatsoever to be depressed! Which makes it even more depressing! Vicious cycle!


I am calling my doctor tomorrow. We shall see what can be done.

I don't like this....I want the funny, vivacious, creative girl back!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

two words--over medicated

nthelight079 said...

You're preaching to the choir dear friend. I hope that this post is old enough that you are feeling back to your old vivacious self. If not, know that you are not alone. And the guilt you feel? It's a vicious cycle. Guilt over feeling depressed when you know you have great friends, a great home, and a pretty great life and then beating yourself up for that guilt leading to further depression. I know this was about you and not me, but thanks for this post. I've wondered how I can have moments where I'm laughing - truly laughing, and turn around in a moment and be back in the duldrums. Love you dearly girl, and I'm praying for relief for you.

Ashley said...

I just read this...insomnia lead to perusing your blog. My dear, it is hereditary...I could have written that whole paragraph. Sucks, and people who don't go through it can never understand how hard and awful it is. I've felt the whole bit, guilt included. Also the part about how depression doesn't mean you can't enjoy a moment or a day...it is just that somehow that overarching sadness and lack of motivation always seems to cut back in. Just know you're not alone...there are many Normans there with you :).

Also, not only does Eric love you, but your cat loves you and never minds when you are blah :). In fact, he probably prefers it since I imagine he gets more cuddle time.