Saturday, January 26, 2008

Adventures of an Impish Bride: Mourning

In her book "Dazzled to Frazzled and Back Again" Ginger Kolbaba speaks of the process of mourning the ending page of one chapter of your life as you move into the next chapter.

I have already begun to do that and as the clock reads 12:30 a.m. I sit here boo hooing at my computer mourning the childhood past and the fairytale dream coming soon to an end.

I know you are saying:Why are you crying,? You are getting married, you should be happy! I am happy though my sobbing may not portray it right now but I am also sad at the parts of me that are coming to an end.

First my childhood.
I have mentioned before how I was blessed with an absolutely wonderful childhood. I have adoring parents, a sibling who loves me and doesn't mind showing it and an imagination that still amazes me. Those combined made for a terrific childhood. Though there are advantages, sometimes being an adult sucks! I think I have the "Peter Pan Syndrome"

Second my childhood fantasies.
I have always been a big dreamer. I had huge plans to travel the world, marry a dashing prince, have the most beautiful babies in the world and leave a legacy for those beautiful children by being the terrific parent mine were/are. But unfortunately reality checked in and the travels have been slight. I am marrying my dashing prince and I am sure we will have pretty babies but it doesn't quite have the pizazz and glamor it did when I imagined it as a child. I am having to adjust to the "new lighting"

Third my wedding.
As mentioned I had three main goals in life: travel, become a wife, and become a mother. I never wanted a career. I never really wanted to go to college though I went because I needed something to do until I found my husband. I have always just wanted to be a wife and mom. So since as long as I can remember I have been dreaming, planning, and pondering my wedding. The anticipation and thought is what makes up half the excitement. So now I mourn that those dreams will be realized and then finished. I will no longer have that special Princess day to look forward to and be excited, it will have been blissfully enjoyed and written in my life's book.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to being marrying my Sexy Fiance and I know I have other things to look forward. But these are things that have made up who I am and now will be shelfed to make room for new unknown things. So though I look forward to the adventure of finding the Impish Wife me, I, being the passionate and crazy creature I am, must mourn the ending of the Childish Dreamer Imp me.

This probably doesn't make any sense to you all but I needed to get it out in writing. Thanks for listening.


Anonymous said...

sweety it is just the unknown that you are facing--believe you me and wife--especially the new wife imp is soooooooooo much fun you can't even begin to believe it--but that is not something we actually told you and big broth. about--you have to find out on your own--also we did not want you to want it so that you --as the saying goes--got the cart before the horse-lol and yes that is the place to use it
love ya more than you will ever know

Anonymous said...

Must agree with The Mom. Having had the fairytale wedding and the princess dress, I wouldn't trade my life now for anything. Being a wife and mom are the 2 best jobs that i have ever had and ever will have. I, too, miss my younger years- the innocence and the excitement of everything being so new. But, it's amazing how you can get those emotions back through your babies- you get to live it all again.
We love you!!
Sensational Sister in law and Brainy Big Brother.