Monday, December 17, 2007

Walmart + Two Weekends before Christmas = Bad!

We had an impromptu Christmas party in my Sardine Can (aka Apartment) this weekend. Well this meant three things:

1.) All scientific experiments of how many types of thing grow from not cleaning had to end because the Sardine Can had to be cleaned.

2.) The Grinch look to the Sardine Can had to be abandoned and the Christmas stuff dug out from beneath the scientific experiments and placed about in somewhat of an order for a "festive" feel.

Those faint of heart might need to be seated for the third thing.......

3.) A trip to Wal-mart had to be made for baking supplies.

Normally a trip to Wal-Mart is not necessarily a horrible thing but not usually welcomed with enthusiasm, but a trip to Wal-Mart two weekends before Christmas is insanity! To make matters worse (Faint of heart might want to skip this part) I had to go on Saturday in the middle of the afternoon!!!!!!

I think I would prefer someone to pull every hair off my body one by one whilst singing Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer (Don't know of my unlove for Rudolph? Click Here) than to go to Walmart on a Saturday in the middle of the afternoon, especially two weekends before Christmas!

I just picked a random parking spot way out just glad to have made it alive to park and took a moment to prep myself before exiting the car. The list is recited again with an "In and Out quick!"

Brisk steps carry me inside past the little ringing bell that inspires psychotic tendencies in me, to grab a cart and begin the obstacle course. If I wasn't dodging people I was dodging displays. I swear some of them moved because you would see an open spot and sharp turn towards it and suddenly BAM another display case of Spongebob Socks or something!

And people......oh Walmart would be fine if it weren't for the people! People with children, people who stop in the middle of the aisle and stand there looking stupid, men who stand there looking at the shelf of sixteen different types of green beans and then back to the list in their hand terrified they will take the wrong brand of green beans home! People with two carts because for some reason they are doing their monthly shopping at Walmart on a Saturday TWO weekends before Christmas, and PEOPLE GETTING IN MY WAY!!!

Then since I was already being tortured I took advantage to go over to the photo area to use the Kodak kiosk and make a few photos to go with Christmas cards. Clueless baby boomers should have to take a class on Technology before wasting my time and getting in my way at the Kodak kiosk!! Respect your elders...respect your elders...respe....ok Grandpa just give me the picture and I will do it for you just so it doesn't take TIL CHRISTMAS to make them which would defeat the point of even making them for Christmas cards!

Then after you have won the maze of moving displays and Clueless Kodak kioskers you have to face the dreaded Check Out line. Where every line has one person with half of the store in their cart! Where is my trusty Ipod (aka Sanity in Line) when I need it? Battery is dead!

TWO HOURS LATER I finally get out of Walmart and get to go home only to get there and realize I forgot something



lime said...

i think the title of your post wins the award for greatest understatement of the year. walmart on a weekend right before christmas is nothign short of a vortex straight into the lower levels of hell.

Nicki said...

I just want to know what you forgot!