Tuesday, January 17, 2006
I went to see Mr. Nephew and Beautiful Baby last night. I have not seen them in a week or so and was having withdrawal symptoms. Upon arrival Beautiful Baby was crying pitifully, his little eyes all red and little nose running. My poor baby! I rescued him immediately and worked with ease to stop those tears and bring that beautiful baby smile to the surface. Mr. Nephew was playing on his computer....yes yes it is true...he is four and has his own computer. He turned it off when I got there which made this Imp feel truly loved because that is a rare occasion. He must have been having Aunt Imp withdrawal as well to inspire such actions. He promptly informed me he had not been put in time-out at school to which I heralded much praise. We then decided to play connect four which he had played only once before with his father (pic above). As we played I tried to patiently teach him exactly how to play and strategy. He tried his only strategy of cheating with a bat of beautiful lashes and cute grin but this Imp was not phased. I made sure he knew cheating was not allowed. Beautiful baby sat in my lap slobbering on one of the game pieces in his own support and I couldn't help but think about all the things both of them still have to learn.
This Imp learned last week of an old aquaintance who is pregnant and due to circumstances will be going through her pregnancy and raising of the child without the father. And after learning about this I could not help but ponder the thought of having to go through such things alone, being solely responsible not just for the physical needs of the child, but the mental and spiritual needs. To teach the child right and wrong, teach him knowledge to live in this world, teach him to love others that might not love him back.
This resurfaced as I watched those two boys that I love oh so much and it made me almost terrified of having my own children. The hugeness of the responsibility hit this Imp square in the chest. I can barely keep myself straight how can I ever be responsible for another? And if I could be responsible in such a fashion what about the world I would be introducing this child to? Even in the short time I have been alive things have changed almost drastically. Families barely exist anymore. You are considered a minority if you don't believe in or have never been divorced. Immorality rages and is widely accepted as the norm and if you are against it then you are an outcast. Children aren't supposed to be children, they are supposed to miniature adults, watching adult shows, wearing adult like clothes, doing adult like activities. They can't just play in the mud, or use their imagination, or be silly, or just be ....children anymore.
It is a terrifying thought to me and I am no where near the time in my life where I will be having children. I wonder if those who have or are having children realize even to a slight degree what lays ahead of them.