Monday, January 2, 2006

Jacqui Resurfaced

I am confused.
I hate confusion.
Simple is a term dear to my heart but far from my grasp.
I don't want to be hurt.
I don't want to inflict pain.
I am cursed with a jaded, cynical mind and fairytale, hopeful heart.
I don't believe in quitting but would love to give up.
I love the dance but it is so hard to not lead.
I love to make people smile.
I only want the best for everyone I love.
Am I a hypocrite to laugh, smile, and make sure others are happy when inside I am turmoil?
Can I just stop being The Imp?
Turn in peppy, happy, go lucky for laid back, silent, and logical?
Are my dreams so unreachable?
Can I be four again with the world before me bright and myself invincible?
What am I doing?
I am very negative at this moment.
I hate being negative.
I will get past it as I always do.
Musing, ranting, venting helps.
It is better than keeping it bottled up.
I want to be normal again.
Jacqui go away!
Imp.....where are you?

3 comments:

Dan said...

Bad Jacqui! >:) Sorry she has come to roost in your minds-eye again. I find when a Jacqui of sorts comes into my life, I need to do two things:

1) Slow down and spend sometime alone. I'm doing too much.

2) With that alone time, spend time with the Lord. Read His Word, pray and journal what is going on in my life in this moment. The journaling can sometimes help slow your mind down as you write and help better break down what you are experiencing right now. It also serves as a much needed reminder of our patterns for future reference.

Rest, drop into neutral, and be with Him.

DD

Imp = Double as Jacqui = Darius

motherofdeath said...

Your writing portrayed some of what I'm feeling now. Thanks.

http://motherofdeath.blogspot.com/2006/01/strange-ameratis-just-left-comment-on.html

Julie Ann said...

Mel,
I second what DD said above and I have to say what helps me is to quote Scripture....take what you are feeling/thinking and use Scripture to back it up or knock it down!

It is so powerful, God's Word, and it can silence these thoughts in our mind.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 (King James Version)
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

You are captivating Melodie and you don't have to work so hard at being captivating, you are captivating...Rest in that for a while...