A New Adventure: Southern girl in a Northern World

Back in September of '18, we packed up our 5 br, 4.5 bh house and stuck a For Sale sign in the front yard.
We stuffed two adults, two kids, 1 cat and a bunch of things in the Nissan Rogue, waved goodbye to Alabama and headed north.
15 hours and 29 minutes
987 miles
9 states
Into an 2 br, 2 bh apartment in Queens, NY.
We traded this view...

 For this view...

Why you ask? One word: God.

For the last couple of years we had felt God was readying us for something. The small group we had considered "family" and our church went through major changes. So many changes that we found ourselves suddenly feeling drawn to look elsewhere for where we were supposed to be in a faith family. This was not easy since it was the church where E had been since a teenager, the church where we were married and had gone our entire marriage.

No where fit. Where God? Where are we supposed to be?

This is when I started to change as well. I no longer wanted the big house, with the big mortgage, and all the "stuff" with which you fill it. I wanted less. I wanted more quality, less quantity. I felt drawn to a more minimalist and simple life without the thousands of distractions. E and I both wanted to be debt free and be able to use our money to travel.

I know what you are thinking. NYC is not minimalist or simple! You are absolutely right. It is the antithesis of minimalist and simple. In my mind, NYC is a means to an end. You see, we were able to sell that big house, with the big mortgage, and get rid of a lot of the "stuff" with which you fill it. E is able to make twice to three times in NYC than what he did in AL. We are one step away from being debt free.

This is wonderful and I feel like it is a step in the right direction but I daily have to remind myself this

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

 "Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil." James 4:13-16

There is another purpose we are here, one that I do not understand or know yet but that He has ordained. We have seen God's hands through out this entire move so we feel confident that it is His doing and His will that we are now here. But why? We do not know.

So for now I will enjoy the adventure of being a Southern girl in a Northern world and see what He has planned. 



 

The Heart of Motherhood

When you think of becoming a mother you have these images of cooing over a perfect baby swaddled in soft blankets, holding little fingers as first wavering steps are taken, squealing in delight when the first "Mama" is heard, videoing the best Indian ever at the Kindergarten Thanksgiving show, sneaking teeth out from under the pillow without waking the recipient of the quarter, cheering and shivering in the cold for early soccer games, cringing and wincing as the car jerks forward in the first driving lesson, beaming a smile as the diploma is taken, crying a tear as the wedding march plays, and hovering in the waiting room to hear the announcement of the first grandchild.

You imagine the warm and fuzzy, the heart swelling and happy times.

Then you become a mother.

You didn't imagine the overwhelming fear you have when the reality that this small being is completely your responsibility not just to feed and protect but also to teach how to be a decent human being. The times when you are so tired you wish you could crawl in bed and wake up next week but your feet move because they depend on you. The hopelessness you experience when your child is ill and there is nothing you can do to help. The aching desire in your bones to be able to just hug your child and take the pain from them. The pride you feel when they accomplish something and the frustration you feel with them when they don't.
The constant battle to not look at other children and compare whether in favor or disfavor. The struggle to allow them some freedom to become a person while making sure not to let them run wild. The hair pulling moments when they show you just how much of your stubbornness they inherited. The heart stopping moments when they do something dangerous. The heartbreaking moments when they experience rejection, bullying, or dislike from others.
The nights you stare at the ceiling wondering if you are doing it right. Praying over their sleeping forms that God will protect this precious gift that inspires a love you never knew existed before they were born.

And for that you would not change it for the world.
That scary, automatic, overpowering love that you have for your child.
The root of an emotional spectrum.

The Heart of Motherhood.

New Year!

Happy New Year from Bunny!

I cannot believe another year has passed. It is true they go a lot faster the older you get. I am going to try to blog more this year. Bunny is in a super fun age and I want to make sure I write these memories down lest I forget them.

I love doing photo shoots with Bunny but they are getting increasingly more difficult due to her mobility. We did a mini New Year photo shoot and I got a few great pictures out of four hundred. Well I might exaggerate slightly on the four hundred but it was close. Getting the hat on her head and the camera up to snap the photo before the hat was thrown to the floor was a feat in itself!

Then I moved her outside to get a better background and pictures had to be taken while going up and down the stairs.

So I did get this cute one that I personally love and then this other one that looks like she has had one too many juice boxes!

Whoopsedaisy!

Needless to say the tights did not make it through this concrete stair climbing photo shoot and we ended up with a scraped knee.

 No one said modeling was easy!

Give Me Generation

Sometimes I feel an eentsy teensy bit sorry for Bunny. E and I are so different in our thinking patterns from most parents that I fear we will have many "That's not fair!" and "Soinso's momma lets them do it!" in our future. To which I will answer "Life is not fair and I am not Soinso's momma, I am your momma."

Future example of how Bunny will be different:

I have had many friends in the last few months whose children have lost their first tooth. The common question on FB is "What is the going rate for a tooth?"
Ok first, why are you even asking that question? You are the parent of Your child. Decide for yourself!

Despite that, do you know what the common answer is?

FIVE DOLLARS!!!!

WHAT?!?

Type that again because I had to go get my reading glasses because I know I read that wrong.

Nope, you read FIVE DOLLARS!

That is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard in my life. Five dollars from the tooth fairy?!?

I got a quarter!
25 cents.
1/4 of a dollar.
And I am lucky The Mom did not take a tooth fairy fee, tax or interest out of that quarter!

Bunny might, and this is still a huge might, get a dollar for the first tooth, but I do not know about the others. Given this economy and the current leader figurehead of our country, she might get an IOU from the tooth fairy!

This is just one of the many things I think is wrong with this generation that my generation is raising. They give them too many things! They want, want, want and expect, expect, expect. My generation is raising a bunch of socialist! They have to have something because all their friends have something.

What a load of horse dung!

You will always have someone in your life who has something you want but don't have! Either get over it or get to work and earn it!

Besides "things" do not give you value or contentment!

Needless to say, Bunny will probably think we are horrible parents for a while, but hopefully one day she will appreciate what she has because she worked for it/earned it.

Kodak Moments

Today we parents have so many ways of documenting our little one's life that it can get ridiculous.
They breathe and we take a picture. Now I am not fussing about this, because I am one of the top offenders, just merely stating a fact.
We capture Kodak moment after Kodak moment but it does not change the fact that moment is gone and time will not stand still.
The other night, Bunny had fallen asleep in my arms and I carried her into our bedroom to lay on the bed with her. She, of course, woke but lay there so sweetly touching my face and just cooing and "talking" to me.
It was surreal.
It was beautiful.
A camera would have ruined the moment. I do hope my mind's eye camera captured it forever because it is something I do not want to forget.
We will never have that exact moment again.
6 months.
Our Bunny is 6 months old already.
Where has 6 months gone?
It is a bittersweet thing this parenthood. Seeing each new day and milestone is wonderful yet heartbreaking because your child is growing up faster than you would like.
I fully understand now why The Mom says "You will always be my baby." because now Bunny will always be mine!

Heart on Your Sleeve

I have heard the saying "When you are a parent, you wear your heart on your sleeve."

That saying hit home the night Bunny was born. She had an infection, breathing trouble, and low body temperature so she was rushed to the NICU. Yet again, this was a particular plan I had NOT wanted to happen! I had wanted to avoid the NICU but alas there we were, 11:00 p.m. on Bunny's birth day, being escorted to the NICU. 

 The first night, I was so tired from lack of sleep, drug hangover, and giving birth that it did not really sink in what exactly was happening. The next day was a different story. I have never felt so helpless in my life than when I had to stand there, looking at my wired and tubed child crying and I could not hold her or soothe her.

Three months later, as I am writing this I still get this sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach at that memory.

Ten days.

That is how long they kept her in the NICU. Only two of them were we allowed to really hold her because she eventually had to have a PICC line put into her head.

It was the most freeing feeling when we were allowed to pack her up in her carseat and take her home! We were one of the lucky ones though, there were babies that had been there for a long time and still had a while to go before they could go home. I definitely pray differently now for mother's with sick children. That is an emotional place I hope to never have to visit again.

The Moment Our Life Changed

"Lets have a baby."

Those were the words my doctor said to me at my 37 week appointment. They did not let me leave the hospital because my blood pressure was high. I went straight down to labor and delivery to be admitted. I had to call The Mom and have her go to my house to pack my bag. Luckily I had made my list! I walked her through the house to get each item. 

I was admitted and they said they would start the pitocin at midnight. I did not write a specific birth plan down but I have to say that this was the one way I had hoped NOT to do. I really did not want to be induced because it takes so long but alas 12 a.m. on Thursday, August 30, 2012 I was induced.

Sleep was impossible. My mind was going in every direction. Amazingly I was not nervous at all just antsy about the long wait and getting too tired. At 5 a.m., they arrived to break my water. I have to say that was the strangest part of the whole process. It is just weird, gross, icky, and eww!

There is not much to tell of the next few hours except that I amazingly only had to feel 45 minutes of contractions thanks to modern medicine! I dilated fairly quickly, but I did take a dose of Nubain before my epidural.

I have never done recreational drugs but I think that the Nubain was the closest experience I have ever had to them! It was psychedelic!

The epidural was nothing! I did not feel a thing, though I was shuddering constantly as a side effect of the Nubain. The funniest part was my left leg swelled up so big but my right leg stayed normal so I had this cartoon look to my body. The Mom would pat my left leg and it was the oddest thing because I knew I should be able to feel it, and my brain could see it, but there was no feeling in that leg!

Then finally around 1:30ish, it came time for action. She was "sunny side up" as they call it, so I did a lot of useless pushing before they were able to turn her. I did not think she was ever going to come out of me! I kept praying "God just get her out, please!" Even with the epidural dulling the pain, I do not think I have done anything that strenuous before in my entire life!

I was not the calm, sweet, moaning woman we saw on the videos in the birthing class. Now proudly I can say I did not curse, yell, or scream angrily.

However, I did throw up, cry, cough, shudder, fuss at the stupid blood pressure cuff, grunt, and gasp for air a lot!

But at 3:18 p.m. on Thursday August 30, 2012, our life changed.

A head full of dark hair, 20 inches long and weighing 6lbs 5oz, "Bunny" (as we will now call her on this blog) was born!

One of the funniest things was when they tried to place her on my chest, her umbilical cord was too short so they had to wait until E cut it before she could really be placed on my chest.

It was love at first goo covered sight!