Thursday, September 4, 2014

To Whining Wilma....

Today there was a post on my  Facebook feed because someone, with whom I am friends, commented on this person's post. I am not friends with this person, for more than one reason, and so I could not comment which was probably a good thing since it seemed I would have been the one person not saying what she wanted to hear.

Here is the original FB post:

"This comes from a place of complete logic, though I'm certain many will take it as Bitter Betty talk. Anyway, I just moved into my own roommate free apartment for the first time earlier this year. In doing so, I've been hit with lots of decorating zeal and ambition. Unfortunately, my wallet doesn't feel the same. As I sit here trying to budget sometimes necessary but sometimes frivolous items to transform my cute one bedroom into a personal utopia, I can't help but wish I could register somewhere...you know, like the engaged folk do. I understand and support these celebratory occasions. Truly. I usually end up with a good buzz and even better story after attending them. But, logically speaking, why--especially as people get married later in life and have acquired more things and money--am I buying you all this stuff for your house when you're about to pool your salary with a spouse's, essentially doubling the money available to you anyway? Meanwhile, I'm about to put a couch on layaway at Bob's Discount Furniture and hope I see the damn thing before Christmas. I am completely grateful and proud that I can afford to live on my own in this expensive city and that I am at least capable of slowly but surely outfitting my apartment to my liking. But damn--can a sista get an ottoman? Or a wine opener that didn't come from the dollar store?
All the women who independent, throw yo' hands up at me."

Ok now I am going to answer her in my non-politically correct, conservative fashion :

This comes from a place of complete logic - I don't think I would go so far as to call it logic.
though I'm certain many will take it as Bitter Betty talk. No not Bitter Betty but Whining Wilma.
 Anyway, I just moved into my own roommate free apartment for the first time earlier this year. In doing so, I've been hit with lots of decorating zeal and ambition. That is awesome! It is always a great feeling to be independent. I thoroughly enjoyed living on my own. I had my own apartment, paid all my own bills, and enjoyed being my own person.
 Unfortunately, my wallet doesn't feel the same. Been there, felt that!
 As I sit here trying to budget sometimes necessary but sometimes frivolous items to transform my cute one bedroom into a personal utopia, I can't help but wish I could register somewhere...you know, like the engaged folk do. Ok I have actually had this discussion before and understand the thought pattern but unfortunately that is just one of life's things that doesn't happen. Now in the Facebook comments people have suggested a housewarming party. Go for it girl! From things you say in the next few sentences and knowing a little bit about you, I am sure you will embrace the opportunity to party it up and warm that apartment. 
On the other hand, do you really NEED that stuff? Or are you just another one of my generation that thinks they need every material thing under the sun, and immediately, though it took our parents decades, if ever, to acquire the same items? I am not against having things but I have learned in the last few years, I don't really NEED that stuff. Even as a single, my apartment was pretty bare.

 I understand and support these celebratory occasions. Truly. I usually end up with a good buzz and even better story after attending them. I have to say even if I didn't know you a bit, that sentence explains a lot about how you view the world and life.
 But, logically speaking, why--especially as people get married later in life and have acquired more things and money--am I buying you all this stuff for your house when you're about to pool your salary with a spouse's, essentially doubling the money available to you anyway?  You are around my age and I would put you in the "getting married later in life" category if you were to get married in the near future. Wouldn't that, according to your "logic", mean you have acquired money? You have acquired things?  Wouldn't that negate this whole complaining post? I just find this "logic" full of holes and having no ground. 
Also usually when two people get married that means there are 
  • two sets of school loans,
  • two car payments, 
  • two amounts of credit card debts,
  • two cell phone payments 
  • utilities go up, even if not drastically, they still go up
  • food costs go up
  • if a little one is added quickly to the mix, everything goes up
  • even rent/mortgage may go up some due to probable need of more space
so they are not really "doubling" their income. So again there are a few holes in the "logic" here.

 Meanwhile, I'm about to put a couch on layaway at Bob's Discount Furniture and hope I see the damn thing before Christmas.  When I got married (GASP yes I am one of those horrid, married people) I did not own a couch, I could not afford one as a single person. Amazingly, I not only survived being single without a couch but thoroughly enjoyed it.
Then after being married, my couch was a hand me down. Wait, dammit! According to you,  I am supposed to have money and things because I am married!!! Where is it??? Oh that is right, after 6 years of marriage we finally purchased a non-hand me down couch. Hope you see yours before Christmas and not in six years. 
 I am completely grateful and proud that I can afford to live on my own in this expensive city and that I am at least capable of slowly but surely outfitting my apartment to my liking. You should be thankful. We live in the richest country in the world, despite the constant trying to change that by the Give Me people out there.
  • You are a woman who can have her own job, her own place, wear what she wants, and do what she wants to do without any type of persecution. 
  • You have indoor plumbing. 
  • You have clothes you can change and wash. 
  • You have clean water, fresh food, and, most likely, air conditioning. 
  • You most likely know from where and when your next meal is going to come.
  • You have a roof over your head and a solid floor under your feet.
  • You live alone and not with 15 other people
  • You do not live in a garbage dump
  • You may or may not have a car (depends on where you live and the need) but you most likely have access to transportation besides your own two feet
  • Speaking of feet, you probably have multiple pair of shoes 
  • You are single, you get to spend your money on you
  • I am pretty sure you have a college degree, though I may be wrong on that one.
  • Even if you do not have a college degree, you are educated.
  • You have access to the internet and social media so that you can air this complaining post to the world. 
  • You have friends who support your misguided thought patterns. 
  • Etc, etc, etc!
But damn--can a sista get an ottoman? Or a wine opener that didn't come from the dollar store? If it works why does it matter if the wine opener came from the thrift store or Williams Sonoma? Even as a OH SO RICH, DRIPPING IN MONEY MARRIED woman, my favorite store is the Dollar Tree. Are you so uppity that you have to have name brand items? If so no wonder you cannot afford anything. If you have to have name brand things, you better find yourself a sugar daddy or your going to be doing lay-a-way the rest of your life.

All the women who independent, throw yo' hands up at me. As a former, independent woman now turned rich, traitor, married woman, I throw my hands up at you in frustration at your holey logic.
And before you just roll your eyes and write off the Oh So Rich Married Woman here are some facts:

  • I am a military brat and not some rich privileged kid that had everything handed to me.
  • I made more coming out of college than my father did at the peak of his military career, yet he raised two kids, provided for a wife, and managed to save for the future until the regression and the current administration took most of that away from him.
  • I have a business degree 
  • I paid for every cent of my college with either scholarships or my own hard earned money.
  • I lived on my own, in a different state than my parents, roommate free, for three years before I turned married traitor. But first I slept on a mattress in the nursery of my brother's house until I could afford said apartment.
  • I paid my rent and all my expenses on my own, did not ask my parents for help. I lived in an one bedroom sardine can that was the size of some people's garage
  • I had a budget but I did not have a couch.
  • My bed in my apartment was my bed from high-school, my table was my late grandmother's, my dishes were my late grandmothers, my futon was a thrift store find, my t.v. was my late grandmother's,  my cellphone was a flip-phone, and I had to make payments to get a computer.
  • I had many single friends who could afford houses with nice things. I had many singles friends who lived like me. Their relationship statuses had naught to do with their living conditions and finances.
  • My husband and I live off one income, first because my job was downsized, but now because we know we can live comfortably, with our Dollar Tree items, on one income. Even with a child.
 
As you can tell your post really struck a nerve in my oh so conservative heart. Sadly, I know you are one of too many in my generation that act and think like this. But here in my little blog world, I can go off on you and at least feel a little bit better. 

So in conclusion, my dear Whining Wilma, get over yourself!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you go girl---you are right on :)
mama

Anonymous said...

Thank you for telling it "like it is" to this spoiled brat

We need more young marrieds like you and Eric!
You give me hope that one day people will find a way to be grateful!

Nancy Harris